


he’s not a villain, he’s just a boy

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben realises he’s messed up a lot of things, Clone Wars, Gen, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Obi-wan is trying his best, Original Character(s), POV Kylo Ren, Padawan Ben Solo, Past Torture, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Snoke towards Kylo, Time Travel, Unreliable Narrator, eventually, kylo tries to fix things, working through trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25058221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "It's not like they're going to go out of their way to share their secrets. Bastards, more interested in interfering with the Senate and politics rather than actually doing what they're meant to.""They're at war against the separatists as well mind you. They've stretched themselves out way too far."Kylo looked up to see the two patients looking at him, both looking away when they saw that he caught them. Kylo scoffed under his breath and went back to his thoughts.It took a moment for their words to register in his mind. His tentative grasp on the force around him wobbled and almost escaped his hold. It took all of his control to not let it burst out from him.Separatists?
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 112
Collections: Anonymous





	1. snow

Kylo was experienced with visions. At least, he considered himself experienced with them, there wasn't much to measure against.

Solo as a child was hounded by premonitions. Both small and large, insignificant and world changing.

A bad feeling when going to grab something to eat, turns out it was another assassination attempt. Not that anyone thanked him when he pointed it out just as She was about to eat it. Cyanoxis D-570. Pathetic attempt in his opinion, if you were going to assassinate such a high ranking politician then you should put more effort into it.

_The bill won't pass._ He murmured under his breath as She strode back and forth in the fancy room they had been assigned. Coruscant, he vaguely remembered it being. It was a bill on imposing a tax on corporations who didn’t adhere to the labour laws that had been passed barely a year ago.

She had whirled towards him, a snarl on her lips. But She didn’t dare argue, his visions had never failed to come to pass. It was why he was there. _Look at you, a force user with the potential to be the most powerful in the galaxy, belittled to a fortune teller_ , Snoke had murmured.

_Who opposes it?_ She came to kneel by the sofa where he sat, a hand on his knee clenching. She meant it maliciously he knew, no mother would dig her nails in so far that they drew blood. Solo was only a boy after all.

_Imperial remnants, the banking clans have formed a coalition and flip between both ‘rebel’ endeavours and quietly supporting the officers who are hiding._

_Where are they hiding, Ben?_

_I don’t know, I can’t see it._

She had been angry when his vision came to pass, the tax bill blocked so that more money could be funneled away towards their opposition. She knew it, her allies knew some of it and her opposition walked away with smiles on their faces.

She sent him away not long after. He had never known what had caused her to make such a sudden decision.

He had also been gifted with psychometry, although it wasn’t as strong as his premonition and he got vague impressions instead of full blown visions. It was useful, in a way. He could induce this gift instead of it being forced upon him. He got emotional feedback from artefacts and objects of personal significance. They never really liked that, of course. The fact that he could glean secrets and the feelings of the people around him at will.

It wasn’t useful, because it didn’t benefit them.

Invasive, She cried. When he called out one of those stuffy politicians out on his intention to back out of one of the new agreements that were being formed. He only meant to help, yet he was met with vitriol.

Skywalker frowned when he did it at the temple. But said nothing, like always. Skywalker never had time for Solo. Not when there were others _more worthy of his tutelage._ Solo had to hold himself back from destroying the temple where he stood that day, Master Snoke whispering sweet songs of revenge and justice in his ears.

Father… father thought it was all quite funny. He grinned at that young naïve boy and pointed out people to steal secrets from. He made it a game to find out who was sincere and who was spouting the most bullshit.

Kylo wouldn't admit Solo's father's games were enjoyable. His heart twisted and eyes itched. Too painful to reminisce about.

He had never seen this planet before. Both in his visions and his waking life. He could feel conflict in the far distance, the ending of so many lives pushing on his senses. Kylo was forced to pull back before it could get any worse 

_Weak_ . That voice that had morphed to sound like Snoke when his master wasn’t actively pressing on his mind. _Too sentimental, Ren. Kill your weakness._

His hand reached down to grip the familiar grip of his lightsaber. Fingers slipping into the grooves and pressing down on the exposed wires. He didn’t often have his lightsaber in his visions, how infrequent they had become after turning to the darkside. Kylo had quietly mourned the loss as soon as his Master had turned his attention to another project.

They had been a constant in his life, assurance of the changes ahead of him in his life when nothing else had been there for him. They were unbiased, showing what the force felt like it needed to reveal to him. Political games spread out in front of him just as often as soft, peaceful trips to uninhabited planets that hadn’t been touched in centuries.

Kylo shivered as he looked up to see the sun setting over a darkened forest, soft flakes of snowfall beginning to drift down from the sky to land on the powdery ground. He pulled his cowl around him, checking his helmet was in place before heading in the direction where he could feel the pain. It was flowing over him in waves.

He hated being so sensitive to the force. Times like these where he had no choice but to drown in anguish and sickness. The knowledge that the community that had settled on the planet were dropping like flies in the wake of whatever was killing them. 

Plague? He wondered. There were none that he knew were happening to any of the planets under their control right now. He must be on a Republic owned planet.

Or it was another vision, he hadn’t had one in a while. Though usually he wasn’t clad in his armour or armed with his lightsaber. It was odd, maybe he played an important role in the outcome of this event.

His boots crunched into the deep snow, leaving behind a trail of footprints to where he had appeared. Kylo looked back to the spot that he had appeared in, odd indeed.

His display picked up a massive heat signature around an hours walk away from him. Must be the settlement. The snowfall had become an almost blizzard, steering him away from the forest to wander around it’s edges. He wouldn’t find anything important in there, the trees were unwelcoming to him.

With his quick pace Kylo managed to skirt past the forest towards the settlement he could see. There were few lights, but he could faintly see a large bonfire that looked to be in the centre of the settlement.

He got a whiff of flesh before the filter on his mask kicked in. Force, his heart twisted in anguish at the thought of so many dead. He kept walking though, his hand resting on the pommel of his saber, just in case.

It seemed he was still a failure, that he let something as _light_ as compassion hold him back. He was the Jedi Killer, legacy of the most powerful Sith Lord in the galaxy. He was above such things. Kylo strode forward, shaking his head roughly. 

His composure slipped when he caught sight of the stuffed toy strewn at the side of the road.

Kylo crouched down to it, slipping off his glove to pick it up with his bare fingers. Flames burned in his mind, screams and fear. There was no escape.

An attack? His initial suspicion had been plague due to the feeling of sickness in the force. But it seemed to not be the case.

“Stay... Stay back!" Kylo got up and looked around to see a humanoid. They were aiming a blaster at him, but it was held in a shaking grip, blood dripping down to the grass below.

He tilted his head, cowl shifting to reveal more of his helmet beneath. He could feel the moment when their fear turned to sheer terror. He looked like a monster beneath the fading light of day.

"I've got nothing to offer, just… Stay away, whatever you are."

Kylo sighed, fingers twitching when the humanoid flinched and lifted the gun to point at him again. He gently pulled it from his grip using the force, leaving it to float in midair.

" _Jedi?_ " They sounded incredulous staring at the floating blaster with blown pupils. Kylo reckoned they were very close to passing out from blood loss. 

"Not a Jedi." He replied quietly, placing the toy back on the ground before reaching up to release the catches on his helmet. The humanoid shuddered before stilling as Kylo's face came into view.

"Not a Jedi." They murmured, eyes still locked onto the floating blaster.

Kylo was surprised that the person hadn't recognised him by the helmet or the use of the force. As far as he knew, he was the last force user besides Snoke and Skywalker. 

He was the most known force user in any case, maybe this place didn't have much contact with the rest of the galaxy. Kylo felt his stomach drop, if it were the case and this wasn't a vision then there would be a very small chance of him being able to arrange transport off such a backwater planet.

"What happened to you?" Kylo gently delved into their mind, flicking through the fearful surface thoughts to the memories of the attack that were rising into the forefront.

Droids, hundreds, thousands, of them. Kylo was confused. Why would anyone have the Old Republic era battle droids still in commission when there were far better models?

Was this a vision of the past? Or some eccentric collector testing out a new acquisition. His hands clenched into fists at his side before he pulled out of the human's mind.

He didn't know what the force was trying to show him.

"I can help." Kylo gestured to the man's wounded arm with a vague gesture, pairing it with a flick of his fingers to make it vaguely Jedi like. Civilians didn't really know the intricacies and differences between force techniques, admittedly it made it easier to trick them.

Hazy eyes turned to him warily, the man still looked as if he would make an attempt to grab the blaster that was hovering between them.

"For... free?" There was a significant pause between the words. Kylo could feel their organs shutting down as they spoke.

He just nodded and walked forwards, moving the blaster just to the side of the man as a show of trust. He was rewarded with the slumping of shoulders.

"May I?" He gestured to the injured arm. Hopefully he could still force heal, he hadn't done it in years and he was out of practice. Otherwise he would have to bullshit or mindtrick the man. Kylo couldn't shake the reluctance to just brute force like usual.

He would blame it on being a weird day. This strange vision would end and he could go back to being the Ruthless Kylo Ren. The Knight of Ren who didn't offer help to strangers in the snow.

He let his hand hover over the wound and tapped into the light that was still buried deep within him. It always remained, resisting any attempts to oust it. 

Kylo hated being pulled by it. Even now just pushing the smallest amount through his system to heal the man, he could feel its tendrils trying to get a grip on him.

The light was a cruel mistress. 

After he had knitted the muscles and skin back together the man looked at him incredulously once more and pulled gently on the faintly scarred skin where a gash was mere seconds before.

"I can't help the blood loss unfortunately, you might still pass out soon. But at least you can't lose any more." The man nodded and took his blaster from the air, turning to give a nod before stumbling off towards the settlement with the bonfire. 

Kylo watched as he trudged off, glancing back the way he came before looking back to the shadowed figure slowly becoming more and more distant.

The vision still hadn't ended. Kylo was coming to the conclusion that something strange had happened. Usually they didn't last this long.

How on earth had he been dumped on some desolate planet without noticing though? Kylo thought back to what he was doing before opening his eyes to the snow… but nothing was coming to mind. There was a blank space where memories should have been.

He had come back from a mission, took out his frustration on the crew and architecture of _The Finalizer_ but… blank.

Was this a test set by his Master? Kylo couldn't tell. He couldn't feel the telltale presence of the creature in the back of his head like usual when Snoke decided to set him a training situation or some obscure test to measure his capacity with the dark side. 

_The Skywalker legacy burns bright in your veins, Kylo Ren._

He looked up to see the man he had healed had gotten a fair bit away. Kylo could kill them now, it was as simple as reaching out and clenching the force around their throat. He could feel his power sing in his fingertips, it would be so _easy._ The man had turned his vulnerable back towards Kylo without any hesitation. It was foolish.

He sighed and looked down to his clenched fist, swirls of snow beginning to rise from the ground to float around him. 

He was so _weak._

A few minutes later he was there to catch the man as he collapsed to the ground.

"You?" Kylo could see the man's eyes rolling to the back of his head. He was of negligible weight, making it easy for him to sling an arm over his own shoulder to lift the man along as they walked. 

"Is there a medical facility in your settlement?" He asked. With no response he pushed back into the man's head and watched a memory of him walking to a dusty building. It was clean and sterile on the inside. Close enough. 

With the memories fresh in his mind, Kylo shifted the hold he had on the man and clipped his helmet to his belt so he could have a firm grip.

It was then that they came back into consciousness. 

"Hey…" Kylo glanced over to see a small smile on the man's bloody face. "You followed me."

"Couldn't just let you die after all the effort I put into keeping you alive." Waste of resources, he could work with that. Kylo would never admit to anyone that he used light side techniques to heal when he was back on the ship.

This would become a memory to laugh at. Snoke would probably torture the goodness out of him if he ever caught wind of what Kylo had done. 

Kylo's hand clenched on the man's hip when a breathless thank you reached his ears. He wished he hadn't removed his helmet so that his face was hidden, it was too expressive. Another sign of weakness for an acolyte to the dark side of the force.

They had reached the settlement.

The fires seemed to have died on the way over, Kylo reckoned probably a quarter or a third of the buildings had been burned to the ground. Scattered across every building were burn marks left behind by heavy blaster fire. There was even a crumpled pile of metal that used to be a battle droid, the village had managed to fight back, but only minimally. 

"Shem? Shem!" A woman ran up to them stopping just before they would have collided. Kylo could see the moment where she registered his existence. Her fear quivered in the force.

"Come on, bring him with me." With a last glance up at Kylo and an aborted gesture to Shem, she whirled around and sped back down the road. She glanced back at them frequently, hands pulling on the rough blood stained tunic she wore.

She led him down a vaguely familiar route before they stopped outside the dusty building from Shem's memories. The woman held the door open for them and Kylo turned so that they wouldn't get stuck moving through.

The clinic was packed full of people. The usual sterile smell was smothered by the scent of dirt and metallic blood. It was almost too much to handle.

A nurse-like figure came up to them, Kylo felt her exhaustion press on him before he managed to pull his force senses back. If he wasn't careful he would do something stupid like use up his energy to heal everyone. Just to get the misery to go away.

"I've no beds left." She murmured to the woman before turning to Kylo and Shem. Kylo felt her surprise when she noticed the healed wound soaked in dried blood. "How-"

"I healed him." He could obliterate everyone here if he felt like it. The force sang hymns in his blood. "He was bleeding out." No one outside this planet had to know.

"You're a Jedi then?" What was this obsession with Jedi? First it was Shem and now this woman. He shrugged, it wouldn't do well for them to think he was a Sith. Even though he wasn't. Vague answers were better than nothing.

"The force has many applications."

"I see." She pursed her lips and motioned him to follow. Kylo shifted his grip on Shem before lumbering after the nurse, setting the man on the free square of ground that she led him to. "I'll get a blood transfusion set up for him soon as." 

Kylo nodded and looked around the room nervously, hands hovering over his saber and helmet. 

"We don't have much to offer after the attack... But could I ask you to help? Lighten the load off the worse injuries so that they're easier to handle. We could offer food and board until you leave again for no charge. It would be the least we could do for you."

Was he really willing to go out of his way to use light side techniques to heal these people? With naught but bare essentials in exchange for a betrayal against his life values?

_She thinks that you're a Jedi. You could gain sympathy and favours for doing it. You need information as well._

Kylo sighed and undid the fastenings of his cowl before shrugging it off, folding it neatly and placing it on the ground next to Shem. His armoured overcoat was next to follow, leaving him just in an undershirt and trousers. He pulled his belt back on and fastened his lightsaber back to its fitting, ignoring the glances towards it.

"I'll do my best." He murmured, ignoring the twist of emotion within him when the woman beamed.

"I'll leave you to it, the worst injured are in the beds. If you can please don't disrupt the work of the droids."

Kylo nodded and pushed his sleeves up a few inches, leaving his wrists clear of fabric. Lets see how this would go then.

The first patient was barely holding on to life. Several blaster wounds punctured his front and arms and a respiratory mask covered his face. Kylo closed his eyes and dug back into that pool of power that he hadn't touched in Force knew how many years.

Drawing out a sliver he directed it to heal the worst of the wounds, closing up holes and knitting muscles and damaged organs back together. He slipped into a moving meditation as he worked, coming back to himself when the screen displaying the man's vitals showed that they were back to normal and stable. 

It wasn't so bad. Kylo stared down at his hands, scarred and calloused from years of fighting. It was strange to think that such overwhelming power such as his could be used to heal, to create.

Shaking his head he moved onto the next patient, slipping back into his meditation so that he could distance himself as much as possible from his usage of light side techniques.   
  


"Master Jedi, you're about to collapse, please take a break." Kylo whirled around to see the first nurse woman again. She had changed into cleaner clothes, pools of blood no longer visible. It was then Kylo noticed his hands and legs were shaking with weakness.

He swallowed a dry throat and allowed the woman to guide him to sit on the floor. It was undignified, but he couldn't care less at that moment. His head was spinning with exhaustion. 

Another figure appeared above them, handing something to the nurse before scurrying off.

A bottle of faintly coloured water was gently pushed into his grasp, Kylo opened it and finished it in a few seconds. Tasting the faint aftertaste of electrolyte additives at the back of his tongue.

The nurse was smiling, a soft thing with closed lips. "We can't thank you more, Master Jedi. Without your intervention many here would have died before we had enough resources to get them stable again."

Kylo nodded and pulled his knees up to his chest, hands clasped atop. The shaking had stopped, but he could feel a bone deep tiredness pulsing at the back of his mind. Never had he used the force so constantly in such amounts.

Not even training with Snoke had tired him out so much, it was a different type of exhaustion. Muscles atrophied after years of disuse.

"Get some rest, we can handle it from here." A warm hand clasped his shoulder before lifting off. Kylo looked up to see the nurse walk away, shouting off orders to droids and fellow nurses alike.

He desperately wanted to sleep right then and there, but he knew his body wouldn't shut down even with the exhaustion. The space was too open, too many threats to his sleeping form.

He settled on a light doze, hand grasped around his lightsaber just in case. 

Kylo was awoken some time later by someone sitting down beside him. Blinking away the sleepiness he spotted a bowl of steaming soup in his peripheral vision being placed into range of his hands.

He stretched out and took the bowl, sniffing at the meaty smell. It was then his stomach twisted in on itself, growling. Not bothering with the cutlery, Kylo lifted the bowl to his lips and drank, letting out a groan of relief as it hit his stomach. He hadn't realised he was so hungry.

More awake, he handed the bowl back over to his new companion. A different nurse. She took it from him and gave him another of the bottles of water he had guzzled down before.

This time he sipped at it, taking his time so that he wouldn't vomit it back up.

"Thank you."

"It was nothing, Master Jedi. You did a great thing helping these people. Even if you worked yourself to the point of exhaustion. Not many would be willing to do such a selfless thing."

Selfless? Kylo wouldn't ever use that as a word for him. 

The nurse sighed and gathered up the mess before getting to her feet. "I'll have Nurse Idril come look you over before the end of her shift. She was the one to speak to you the first time." Kylo nodded and watched her walk away before turning his attention inward.

His doze had let him recover a little from the strain he had put on his body. But the pool he had drawn from felt empty and stretched. Hopefully the damage wouldn't affect his usual abilities.

Slowly he drew in some force from the world around him to bolster his reserves and body. Sinking it into his muscles and veins until he was almost buzzing with power. He would have liked to use dark side techniques but it wasn't secure enough to go into a proper meditation. 

Kylo really wanted to leave this strange place and get back to _The Finalizer_. He could prostrate himself before Master Snoke and beg forgiveness for his weakness and compassion. 

He could take out his frustration on Hux and everything could go back to normal.

"The Jedi order are taking way too long to send someone over to investigate."

"Isn't that guy a Jedi?" 

"Doesn't look like he's actually affiliated with them. Nowadays they travel in groups of two or more if they're on their own or with their clone squadrons… unnatural those things are."

"Jedi are always too late to help us, too far away from the core for them to care." 

"Even if this guy isn't with them he's done a lot more to help that they ever have."

"I know, look at him, collapsed on the floor from using too much energy is what the nurse said. Healed half of the people in here before passing out."

"I never knew the force could be used to heal."

"It's not like they're going to go out of their way to share their secrets. Bastards, more interested in interfering with the Senate and politics rather than actually doing what they're meant to."

"They're at war against the separatists as well mind you. They've stretched themselves out way too far."

Kylo looked up to see the two patients looking at him, both looking away when they saw that he caught them. Kylo scoffed under his breath and went back to his thoughts.

It took a moment for their words to register in his mind. His tentative grasp on the force around him wobbled and almost escaped his hold. It took all of his control to not let it burst out from him.

_Separatists?_

Either he was still in this strange vision or it was time travel. It was impossible. He hadn't interacted with any unknown artefacts or locations that could have caused it and he was certainly not powerful enough to rip time and space himself.

What happened to him between his last memories and appearing on this planet? He refused to think of it, this must be a vision.

"Master Jedi?" Kylo stopped and breathed before looking up at the Nurse, Idril or something. 

Kylo had to stop himself from lashing out at the woman, one wrong turn and he would end up pulling her apart.

“Yes?” The word didn’t come out as he liked, he cringed as his voice broke up. They probably thought he was pathetic. Kylo certainly felt pathetic.

“Is everything alright?” No, nothing was alright. Kylo just nodded, not trusting his voice to come out concisely. His helmet was with his clothes at the other end of the clinic room. He felt a sharp stab of anxiety in his stomach at the thought of his belongings being taken by some opportunistic nobody.

The nurse, Idril, made a face at his non response before humming a tune under her breath. “Will you allow me to look you over before setting you free? I know nothing about how the force drains the body but I would expect healing as many people as you did took a lot out of you.”

Kylo was ready to refuse, grab his stuff before killing everyone and running off. It was so very tempting, surely it was just a vision and not what he thought it was. No, it was wishful thinking. There was no documented evidence of time travel being possible, he had just heard the words wrong. That was it.

“Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy, eh? You’re going to hurt yourself doing that.” Kylo blinked as the woman took his hands and gently pried them from his hair. Strands were caught in between his fingers. He hadn’t even noticed he was pulling at it.

Kylo looked up at the nurse as she sighed. His gaze was caught by the items floating around them. He flushed in embarrassment and tugged roughly on the force to put everything back down without breaking. He caught a faint sense of fear in the force before it was neatly tucked away. 

“I’m sorry.” He murmured, clenching his fists in his lap. She probably thought that he was a useless jedi, a jedi that couldn’t even control his emotions to the point where their force ability went wild.

“Don’t be, this is a very stressful situation for everybody. I’d imagine you’re feeling most of everything around us huh?” Blinking in surprise, Kylo nodded and caught Idril’s gaze. Flushing red once more at the affectionate smile on her face. She reached out with her hand towards him. Kylo frowned at it for a moment before realising she was meaning to help him up from the ground.

He was unsteady on his feet for the first few minutes. Gritting his teeth at the indecency of having someone help him function. He wanted to hit something. Momentarily distracted by the same nurse that gave him food coming up to them, Kylo took his clothes from her with shaky hands. He murmured a thank you under his breath.

“Take care of yourself, Master Jedi.” Kylo didn’t feel like correcting them, and he didn’t want to admit to himself that being called Master Jedi by these people made him feel so strange. Idril and the nurse exchanged a glance before leading him to another room.

It was surprisingly empty. Furnished with only a desk and a few seats. It must be an office of some sort.

“Sit down, if you will.” Shifting the bundle of clothes in his hands, Kylo sat on the seat before picking up his helmet to inspect for any sabotage or interference. “I realise we’ve never actually asked for your name with all the chaos going on.”

“Kylo.”

“Thank you, Kylo.” He looked up from his inspection of the helmet to nod at Idril before setting it back down on his lap.

“It was nothing, really.” He felt oddly sated actually. He hadn’t used the force in that capacity in so long that it was strange. It didn’t feel the same as using the dark side. It was less… murky. Kylo couldn’t find the right words to describe it, it was a feeling that was unquantifiable.

“Not to us.” They fell into a comfortable silence, Kylo realised that she wasn’t going to pressure him to talk. Just give him space to relax away from the miasma of pain in the main clinic room.

He sat on the chair stiffly for a short while, fidgeting with the fabric on his lap. Tentatively Kylo opened up his senses to the people in the immediate surroundings, having no premonitions of danger in his near future. The door could lock and he was sure if he asked then Nurse Idril would give him time alone to meditate.

It was worth an attempt.

“Would it be possible to have some time in here alone?” He spoke up. He felt the pulse of surprise coming from Idril as she started, looking up from her data pad. “Being able to meditate comfortably would help a lot in recentering myself.”

Idril paused before smiling, adjusting her worn uniform. “Of course.” She said, gathering up her pad and a set of keys on her desk. “I’ll take these with me so I can get back in in an emergency but I’ll knock before coming back in. Will that be workable for you?”

Kylo nodded and tried to smile, he knew it came out more of a grimace instead.

“Thank you.” It sounded strange to say. He hadn’t had to thank someone in years. Kylo didn’t know if he was ever going to get used to it again.

“Anytime, we owe you for the great service you’ve given us Master Kylo.” And with that, she left.

Kylo let out a deep exhale before sliding off the chair to land on his knees on the floor. It was all too much. He pulled his senses back in with a rough tug and tried to close himself off to the sickness and pain. It was marginally successful. 

He picked up his overcoat and cowl, folding them once again before placing them on the floor alongside his helmet. Shifting his legs until he was sitting comfortably, Kylo inhaled deeply, drawing force to his centre before directing it out with an exhale.

Eventually he fell into a shallow meditation, his thoughts still racing incessantly in his mind. Kylo didn’t really want to deal with them so he shoved at them until they sunk into his metaphorical box of ‘sort it out later’

He never really sorted through the things buried in there. 

Kylo realised he hadn’t had the time to properly meditate in months. Snoke sent him out on mission after mission. Leaving no time in between to rest and recuperate. No wonder he had been feeling so tired, he was running on fumes.

Pushing away the thoughts that had sprung back up, Kylo started to sink his being back into the force, frowning when it was coming through like sludge. He hadn’t felt the force like this ever. He did his best to filter it as it came into contact with him to limited success.

Floating meditation took some effort to fall into, but eventually after some time Kylo finally relaxed enough to take his attention off of the door. Nurse Idril had promised to inform him when trying to come back into the office for him. And the door was locked tight.

It was as secure as he was going to get.

The force was… dirty. Cloying. The feeling became more evident the deeper into meditation he delved.

What in the Force's name had happened? It was so overwhelming that the whole planet felt like sickness, like it was dying slowly from the inside. Kylo had never felt anything like this in his life.

“Hello there.”

Kylo startled and fell to the ground with a thump, kicked out of his meditation like a tap to the head. Groaning, he rubbed his back and looked up to the poor bastard that had decided to disrupt him-

_Oh, Gods above, that’s Obi-Wan Kenobi._


	2. flee

“It’s good to meet you.” The Jedi,  _ Obi-Wan,  _ reached out with a hand, a smile on his face. “I’ve never seen you before.”

Kylo couldn’t move, nothing was holding him in place – he could break free from any force hold – but nothing was processing in his brain. It was like everything was just slightly off centre.

_I’d like to wake up now._ _It’s all just a bad dream. I’m going to get up in The Finalizer any time now to go back out looking for Skywalker. It’s not possible-_

“The nurse was telling us about what you did. The Jedi Order owes you a great debt.”

Kylo didn’t want to open himself up to the sickness again, he had already taken so much of it into his body to replenish it after the healing fiasco. But he had to know if there were any other Jedi accompanying this facsimile of  _ Obi-Wan Kenobi. _

He flinched as he reconnected himself to the force, his face scrunching up at the sensations that were frissoning over his skin.

Nothing, just the one. He felt vaguely better about his escape plan. Now there was just one obstacle in his way.

Detaching himself again and wrapping himself in shadow, Kylo sunk his presence into a fold of the force to not give away his intentions as he whipped out his hand to grab at Obi-Wan. Strengthening his grip into bands of durasteel.

“Kylo?” Obi- No, the doppelgänger sounded so surprised, betrayed.

The look on the Jedi's face would be one he would normally savour, but he didn’t have time. He could feel the man fighting against his force hold with fervour, Kylo’s grip weakening as he rushed to get back into his armour and cowl.

His helmet was the last on, booting it up and rushing through calibration before it was too late.

“You don’t need to run-“

The window, it would have to do.

“Kylo!”

Someone else was chasing him. They felt different, an ocean compared to the Impostor’s lake. He couldn’t stop to contemplate how such a large presence was able to hide from his sight.

Dread sunk into his stomach, weighing him down like a poorly calibrated gravity generator.

Kylo kept running, if he looked around now they would catch him. His hand drifted to the lightsaber bouncing on his belt, unlatching it and gripping it firmly in hand.

He felt the surge of power moments before it happened, jerking to the side to avoid something grabbing at him in the force. It was clumsy and ill-focused, Kylo almost wanted to stop and show them how it was done but it was too much of a risk.

“Stop! We just want to talk!” They were young, must be a padawan or a younger knight that was accompanying the older Jedi.

Could the vision just end already? He'd learned enough.

Kylo leapt over an attempt to pull his legs out from under him, landing with a rough roll. 

Screw it all, Kylo Ren was no coward. 

Stopping suddenly and whirling around, he was struck silent at the sight of the boy, no, the man before him.

Who had a face that resembled Kylo's own.

They must have realised something had changed because the chase stopped. Metres apart from each other in the snow.

Kylo held the lightsaber out in front of him, thumb on the ignition while the emitter was pointed at his pursuer. 

"Don't move."

They held their hands up, stepping back a few steps despite being told not to.

"Kylo, right? Miracle worker who healed up a whole village."

"What's it to you?"

"Just want to talk, see?" The Jedi grabbed his own lightsaber and threw it away into the snow. "No weapons." They threw a meaningful glance at the lightsaber still held out between them. But Kylo wasn't planning on backing down. 

He needed to get off this planet.

The Jedi broke the silence between them. "What are you doing here? Are you with the Separatists?"

Kylo pulled a face. "Force, no. Why would I ever work with them?" Kylo could feel them relax in the force. It seemed like he wasn't the only one feeling the emotions around them. Looking into the force he almost perceive the feeling of ghostly fingers pressing up against his chest. 

"Obi-Wan and I were sent down to help, but it seemed you had everything covered."

There was something that Kylo was forgetting, but he couldn't recall it for the life of him. He looked up to see the Jedi was staring at him. Kylo realised he was waiting for a response. 

He didn't know what to say, so he just shrugged. Twisting his lightsaber in hand.

Could he hold this Jedi long enough to probe their mind and find the location of their ship? They must have gotten onto the planet somehow.

"Kylo?" The Jedi had advanced on him, still holding his hands up.

He flinched and almost hit the ignition on his saber, but held back by sheer instinct.  _ Not yet, not yet _ . The Force murmured. Something was happening. 

Obi-Wan,  _ was it really Obi-Wan? Kylo could barely believe it,  _ burst into their clearing at that moment. Out of breath and wheezing, he leaned over to brace his hands on his knees, plastisteel armour clinking softly. Kylo couldn't help but let his eyes be drawn to the symbol engraved on his pauldrons.

_ The Jedi Symbol.  _ Skywalker was obsessed with it, with the old order. Kylo could identify the symbol on sight, even if the sight of it brought up bad memories.

He zoned back into the conversation then, shifting the grip on his lightsaber as the two Jedi turned to him.

"-it’s a bad idea."

"The council needs to know about him."

"So you're gonna drag him to Coruscant just because you feel he needs to stand before the council. They've no use of him."

"Anakin-"

Anakin.

_ Anakin, Anakin, Anakin, Anakin, _

_ Anakin Skywalker. _

_ Darth Vader. _

How could he have forgotten?

Kylo didn't register he had fallen to his knees until Anakin, _ Anakin! Grandfather! _ had come to kneel before him as well.

"Kylo?" Anakin asked softly. Kylo opened himself to the force to take it in. The sheer magnitude of presence that his grandfather carried around like the lightest weight in the galaxy. Nothing could compare. 

What had he done that the force blessed him with such a vision?

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed on his forehead, highlighting the small scar that bisected his eyebrow to skirt the edge of his eye.

"This isn't a dream, Kylo." It wasn't? But it couldn't be real.

It was then he realised he had said his previous statement out loud. He could feel himself flushing under the helmet. He was glad he had put it back on before fleeing the clinic.

Kylo was assaulted with the urge to rip his helmet off, see his grandfather with his own unhindered eyes. That involved letting go of his saber though. 

_ Compromise.  _ He let go and directed it to float within reach before reaching up to click the release hatch. It couldn't go quick enough. 

When he had pulled it off to throw into the snow he could hear a sharp intake of breath from Obi-Wan,  _ it was Obi-Wan, _ but Kylo didn't care. He only had eyes for Anakin.

The Jedi had frozen in place, eyes flicking over his features with what looked like confusion and wonder at the same time.

"You look just like her…"

"Who?"

"Anakin!" 

Kylo couldn't give much mind towards Obi-Wan, there was something before him that was far more important. It was this deep obsession that almost caused him to get shot.

As it were, the red bolt of plasma flew harmlessly over his head.

Anakin looked back towards him, lightsaber lighting up his face in a blue glow before nodding and turning back to the enemy.

The droids had returned.

"-stick with the plan, Anakin!"

"What plan, Master?"

"Anakin-"

Kylo stumbled to his feet, staggering back towards the tree line as countless droids emerged from the darkness, guns pointed towards the Jedi who were slicing them apart.

He was so confused. He didn’t want to put much thought into his previous theories of time travel but it was looking more and more plausible by the moment. Kylo didn’t want to think about it.

“Master!” Obi-Wan had fallen to the ground, a hand gripping tightly on his thigh. Kylo watched as Anakin tried to make his way over to the Jedi Master but was unable to push past his enemies.

_ Now is the time to strike, to protect. _ There it was again, the pull of the light. It was ever-present in his thoughts, making him doubt the path of the Dark Side.

The Supreme leader was wise,  _ he had to be. _

Anakin’s cries pulled him from his introspection. Kylo looked up to see a droid going for the final blow against Obi-Wan.

A small, traitorous part of himself wondered if he would cease to exist if Obi-Wan were to fall here. 

Damn it all.

An image of  _ Her _ appeared in his mind's eye, spurring on his anger and rage. The dark side would have enough power to completely overwhelm the droids. He felt the Jedi’s presences in the force turn towards him as he gathered his emotions, gritting his teeth and roaring in rage as he  _ pushed. _

A wave of Force erupted from his hands, lifting the droids that had dared ruin this moment for him, excising them from view. They collided with the trees with a great crash, most tearing apart on impact but the others were dysfunctioning enough that Anakin was able to take them out.

Kylo fell back to his knees in the snow, grimacing as the fabric covering his legs shifted and he was reminded of the discomfort. It took a moment for him to catch his breath back, chest heaving and arms shaking. 

“That was the dark side... You used the dark side.” Kylo looked up to see Anakin had come back to stand before him, lightsaber pointed at his throat. He tilted his chin up, making eye contact for as long as possible before he had to drop and wheeze, a sharp cough erupting from his throat.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice was low, a warning. Kylo could hear the shtick of plates shifting against each other.

“He’s not a Jedi, Jedi don’t use the force like  _ that.” _

“That doesn’t immediately make him a sith either, there are many force users in the galaxy unaffiliated with the order.”

“Do they use lightsabers?” Anakin pointed to the hilt in Kylo’s hand. Obi-wan looked back over at him, eyes searching his face and dropping down to look at Kylo’s body.

“Would the Sith go out of their way to repair the damage they had wrought?” Kylo tried to shuffle backwards as the Jedi Master approached him, but only succeeded in falling onto his back. “You’re not a sith, are you?”

A part of Kylo wanted to scream at Obi-Wan, a part of him that the Supreme Leader had nurtured and cultivated within him for years. He  _ was _ a Sith,  _ no you aren’t, _ he was an apprentice of the Dark Side. He would continue his Master’s work and bring about the end of the Jedi and usher in a new era of prosperity to the galaxy.

_ Would the galaxy prosper though? _

Of course, it would. The First Order was well on its way to inherit the legacy of the Empire and fix its faults. The galaxy could never run under Republic law with their flawed policies, always failing in all aspects. The Supreme Leader was wise-

_ Why did the goals of one man constitute the aim of the whole galaxy? _

Kylo wanted to scream, everything was so  _ confusing _ . He needed the guidance of his master now more than ever. These doubts were a sign of weakness, a sign he wasn’t achieving his full potential power.

_ The light side, the Jedi, don’t seem to be that wrong- _

Shut up, Shut up, Shut up- “Shut up!” He dropped the lightsaber -  _ you should never let the lightsaber go, it is your heart - _ to grab his hair and pull. Everything hurt and he didn’t know how to make it stop.

“Kylo?” Kylo… that was his name… right? 

_ Son? Ben? _

_ Shut up. _

"There's still good in him, Master."

Kylo looked up to see Obi-Wan directly above him, a hand on Anakin's shoulder gently pushing him to the side.

"I know."

A hand appeared in his field of view, it took Kylo a moment to realise it was Obi-Wan's hand. Gloved and adorned with a scratched plate of armour. Kylo looked up at Obi-Wan's face in askance, his own hands clenched at his sides.

"What are you going to do with me?" He asked.

The Jedi looked at each other, Obi-Wan removing his hand from Anakin's shoulder as the knight, his  _ grandfather, _ shrugged. 

"Depends on what you do after this." Anakin finally spoke up, crossing his arms over his chest. Kylo could faintly feel a ripple in the force, a gentle pressing against his mind. He scowled, grasping at his lightsaber. How dare he-

"Easy." Obi-Wan stepped in front of Anakin, hands held up to his chest. Kylo was left with the sight of his back. "No need to antagonise each other, otherwise it would be a long trip home."

Kylo couldn't see what Anakin did in response, but he could hear the sounds of fabric moving and the faint click of something. Obi-Wan moved out of the way again, letting Kylo see that Anakin was slowly removing his hand from the hilt of his own lightsaber. 

"Tch." Kylo winced at the glare Anakin gave him. It was filled with menace, downturned lips and eyes narrowed, his scar shifted with the movements on his face. "Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan nodded before turning back to Kylo and holding out his hand, again. A mirror of the gesture not even minutes before.

He stared at the gesture, at the armoured hand reached out to help pull him up. As if pulling him to the surface of an ocean of darkness. A resurrection, or more seemingly a rescue in their eyes.

_ What if he wanted to drown?  _

Kylo grasped the hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, swaying slightly as his centre of balance reset itself. He pulled his hand away from Obi-Wan's as soon as he could manage, withdrawing all of himself until he was cocooned with shadows and darkness.

Obi-Wan frowned. It was slight, but Kylo picked it up nonetheless. 

_ Look at how he rejects you, Kylo Ren, look at how this great Jedi whos alter ego is your namesake... He doesn't care for you, he only cares for the order. A cessation of the experience of emotion. This is why the dark side is superior, there are no limits on the power of the dark side.  _

A cold weight in his hands startled him out of his spiralling thoughts. Kylo looked down to see his helmet, battered and soaked with the snow. His hands clenched around it, fingers white with pressure. 

"Kylo?" He looked up at Obi-Wan, fingers twitching on the surface of his helmet. In his peripherals, he could see Anakin had turned and started walking back towards the village, turning back to look at them both when neither had moved to follow.

He wanted to run. Run and run and run until he couldn’t go any longer. But he knew he couldn’t, the Jedi would pursue him until the ends of this planet he was stuck on.

With a last look behind him at the tree line, Kylo placed his helmet back on and followed behind Obi-Wan. Anakin was kicking at the remains of the droids, sending one smashed head flying into a tree.

“Let’s go.” They caught up to Anakin before heading back into the forest, Kylo somehow ending up between the two Jedi. He winced at the thought, it hadn’t explicitly been stated but he felt much like a prisoner. Not an equal.

When he glanced back, he was met with a small smile from Obi-Wan. Kylo frowned, glad that his covered face would mask his emotions to an extent. Turning back he was met with the sight of Anakin, stomping through the forest at a brisk pace. Kylo could feel his heart pound and weight sink to the pit of his gut. 

It was  _ Anakin Skywalker. _

  
  


The ship was in view when the woman came up to them, running while holding her hands close to her body. It was the nurse from earlier, Idril. She stopped in front of him, chest heaving. Kylo gave her a minute to catch her breath, taking the time to consider removing his helmet so that they could communicate face to face.

_ Be polite, Ben.  _

With an inaudible snarl, he slowly lifted his hands to press down on the disengagement latch, taking it off as soon as it had finished depressurising. The nurse lit up at the sight of his face, causing an involuntary flush to rise to his cheeks. Kylo barely stopped himself from scowling at the sensation.

“I just wanted to give you a last thank you before you left, Master Kylo.” She reached out to grasp at one of his hands, bringing it between her own and squeezing softly. Kylo could feel the emotions flowing from her like a breeze, warm and filled with gratitude. It was something that he hadn’t felt from another being for Force knows how long.

“It was nothing.” he murmured, ignoring how his heart twisted and mind raged in a dichotomy of differing emotion.

“We can’t repay you for the service that you’ve provided us with, but the least we could do is offer you room and board whenever you come back to this planet. It is an open-ended offer, Master Kylo, for as long as the people here remember you.” she smiled again before stepping back and giving a short bow to Anakin and Kenobi. “Master Jedi.”

“Madam.” They both nodded back, Anakin remaining silent. 

Idril turned back to Kylo, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Goodbye. May we meet again on better terms.” He watched her as she strode back to the village, head held high and posture straight. He had an odd feeling of remorse as she disappeared from sight, though he didn’t know what would incite the emotion within him. 

“Come, we have a long trip ahead of us. We need to get on the nearest hyperlane and somehow get past the Separatist blockades.”

“Yes, Master.”

Kylo hesitated, clenching his helmet between his hands once again. It would be the perfect time to run, he didn’t  _ need  _ to accompany the Jedi back to the temple. It was at that moment he came to a realisation. Would the other Jedi masters notice that he didn’t belong? No doubt they would sense his darkness and strike without asking questions.

He was going to die, far from the galaxy he had known. Struck down in cowardice and fear, it wasn’t the way he had planned to go. Not that he had devoted much thought to the concept, there would be no Jedi afterlife for him, no escaping into the universal force.

What was death like for a Dark Side user?

He could almost see it now, the council of Jedi, no doubt they could sense him from the atmosphere and send someone to do the deed, not even feet from disembarking from the ship. Kylo didn’t want to die. Not now, not before he had solved this mind-bending puzzle.

His chest hurt. 

“Kylo, Kylo?”

He couldn’t breathe, nothing was working. It was almost like he was disconnected from his body and all automated functions that kept him alive had shut down. 

_ Maybe he could end it himself, here, on his own terms. _

Kylo felt himself snap to the side before the motion had properly registered in his head, followed by a sharp slap of pain on his cheek. Ripped back into his body, he heaved in a breath, his lungs rattling in his chest.

“Anakin!”

Not daring to move his head, Kylo tried his best to look over at his grandfather. It hurt, straining at the nerves deep within but he froze all the same at the expression on Anakin’s face.

“Don’t you dare,” He flinched violently as Anakin reached out again, his head clear of any thoughts as the pain was caressed, not compounded. Kylo didn’t know how to react. “I won’t let that happen.”

A laugh bubbled in his throat, high and wild. He couldn’t believe this. 

“It would be my fate, either way.”

He jerked back as Anakin’s face shifted from concern to anger. Quicker than a sandstorm on a desert planet.

“If they killed you then I would slaughter all of them where they stood."

"No, you wouldn't. I'm not worth that much concern." He took a step backwards, heart pounding in his chest. Here was his chance.

"Kylo-" 

"And stop reading my mind!" He whirled around to face Anakin, his feet pulling him forward until he was standing before him. Kylo poked at the plate of armour shielding Anakin's torso. "It's invasive and rude. I can feel you do it every time, like you're pulling my feelings from me."

Anakin frowned, stepping back from Kylo and glancing back at Obi-Wan. Kylo could feel a faint presence of emotion before it was locked away.

"You felt that?" Anakin asked.

Frowning himself, Kylo nodded. Waiting for the Jedi to continue, to explain why he asked. But Anakin didn’t say anything further on the subject. 

"Come with us, please?" Kylo looked at Anakin's outstretched hand, reminded vividly of when Obi-Wan had reached out to pick him up from the snow.

Why was he filled with so much conflict? On instinct Kylo almost reached out to plead an audience with Master Snoke, beg for forgiveness and ask for direction. 

But then he remembered that there was no Snoke here. No First order. It was just him and his lightsaber, cast astray through time and space.

The thought crossed his mind for a split second, but Kylo even wished Skywalker was here. It would be something familiar to grab onto.

He was gently removed from his thoughts by a nudge to his consciousness. Kylo blinked and focused on Anakin again, glancing to the side to see Obi-Wan by the ramp leading into the ship.

It was time to decide. 

Kylo looked back at the smoldering village before turning to look at the Jedi ship. Shiny but battered in a way indicating extended conflict. 

Insert himself into main events, or vanish into the galaxy? He didn't have enough time to think it through. 

_ You don't need to keep running.  _

"Let's go." He pushed his helmet back onto his head, hands clenched at his sides as he strode through the deepening snow and onto the ship. Obi-Wan had a smile on his face, looking back at Anakin as Kylo walked by.

He was really doing this.

The ramp closed and sealed shut with a hiss, leaving the three of them standing awkwardly.

"I'll get us into hyperspace." Anakin pushed past him, far less aggressively than his behaviour before. Kylo didn't know what to think about the Jedi’s sudden turn in behaviour, one minute he was angry at Kylo but the next they were on good terms?

"That's usually how Anakin is." Obi-Wan came up behind him, clasping a hand on his shoulder before heading off to the cockpit. "Welcome aboard."

The ship shuddered as it lifted off the surface, prompting Kylo to slowly follow the route Obi-Wan had left behind. 

The two Jedi were in the pilot and co-pilot seats, quietly bickering as they ran through checks and hyperspace calculations. 

Kylo spotted a seat off to the side, a gunners station. He glanced over to Obi-Wan and Anakin before setting himself down on the seat, fastening himself in and off handedly looking at the readings coming from his screens. 

"You know how to shoot, Miracle Man?" Kylo hesitated before lifting off his helmet and placing it between his legs. It would be easier to communicate and shoot without it.

"Fairly competent." He replied, taking it as permission to run through some basic checks. Everything was operational, if not a little outdated. It was a strange interface to be looking at.

"Good, we might need it to get past the Separatists." Obi-Wan spoke up this time, accompanied by the beeping of one of the instruments. 

"Entering the first Hyperspace jump now. Counting down."

"Have they locked down the hyperlanes? I recall you mentioning it earlier." Kylo turned around in his seat, bracing himself as the ship jolted and the stars blurred into streaks of light outside the viewport.

Obi-Wan had also turned, a hand raised to stroke at his beard. "You wouldn't have had much contact with the rest of the galaxy down there I'd imagine."

Kylo shook his head, not particularly wanting to admit he didn't know anything at all about this moment in time regarding the Clone War.

"It's fairly recent anyway." Obi-Wan continued, unfastening the restraints on his seat before standing up. A glance at Anakin showed that the Jedi Knight hadn't moved, keeping a close eye on the changing coordinates. "The Separatists placed an embargo on some important routes in hyperspace. Making it very hard to get to planets on the outer rim as well as moving troops, delivering supplies… it's not a new move for them but we didn't expect these ones to go into effect so soon."

"Are we able to get past without encountering them?" Kylo whirled back to his weapons array, familiarising himself with the various launch commands and manual aiming controls.

"Depends on how well Anakin can fly." There was a hidden sliver of humour in Obi-Wan's words that Kylo didn't have the context to understand. But it seemed to amuse Anakin if the short laugh he gave out was any indication. 

"Make sure you're ready to shoot as soon as we come out on the other ends of our jumps." Was all Anakin had to say, going quiet for the rest of the journey. 

Kylo tried to make time in his head to start thinking about this  _ moronic  _ decision to follow the Jedi into their ship, but he found that his gunner position was taking up most of his mental capacity.

He didn't want to kriff up and kill them all because he couldn't shoot a basic laser cannon. No matter how old the user interface was.

Introspective thoughts would have to wait.

"Dropping out in 30 seconds. Get ready."

  
  



	3. opportunity

The interface in front of him was swimming in and out of view, words meshing together and blurring into a mess. He didn’t think that was supposed to happen.

“Hey, Kylo?” Hands pulled him up by the shoulders, gripping painfully when his body lurched forward once more. It was then he realised that his face was in pain. “Are you alright?” Was he? Kylo turned slowly, wincing when a spike of pain shot through his skull. It was Obi-Wan holding him up, frown marring his face and his gaze distant. 

Dots of blackness were scattered across his vision, pulsing in and out of view. Kylo felt his body go slack just as the dots grew and overcame what was left of his sight.

...

Consciousness returned, sudden and without warning. Kylo jerked upright and scrambled onto his feet. His brain wasn't cooperating, leaving him in a haze of dizziness and fleeing exhaustion. He swayed, curling his toes on the cold floor. It was then he realised he didn't have his boots on.

It was like being dunked into a pool of ice water, his mind was clear, almost too clear. Kylo shook out the stiffness in his shoulders, the action was significantly lighter than expected. His overcoat was gone, leaving him in just his underclothes.

A shiver crept down his spine, gut-churning and then after a moment, it became an inferno of rage. The Jedi must have done something to him, Kylo _never_ passed out due to weakness or exhaustion. Spinning around on his heel, he scanned the room but his belongings were nowhere to be seen. 

_His lightsaber._ Where was it? It was no longer anger he felt now but fear. It wasn’t until he spied it upon the nearest surface that he calmed down enough to not tear apart the ship around him. Kylo stepped forward with purpose and grabbed it from the shelf, turning it around in his hand. Nothing seemed out of place and the whispers from the Force didn’t indicate any tampering with his kyber.

It was a force of habit to tune out the screams. It was distracting at times of conflict when the pull of the light side was strongest and brought attention to the cracked and bleeding crystal, but if he left it along long enough he was able to bring himself back to the dark. The Dark was comforting enough to smother his guilt and anguish over the action.

Changing his grip on the hilt until he held it in front of him, Kylo caught a faint impression of the Jedi holding his lightsaber, placing it down on the shelf before fading away. Obi-Wan. 

Speaking of the Jedi, the airlock opened with a hiss, revealing the very same Jedi standing on the threshold. Kylo got a faint impression of surprise through the Force before it floated away.

“I didn’t expect you to be awake,” Kenobi said, leaning on the door frame. He was still clad in his armour, the plastisteel scraping against itself with the movement. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at his silence but didn’t press for Kylo to speak. Instead, he motioned out the room with a shift of his head. “Come, Anakin was worried for you.”

Yeah, right, Kylo very much doubted that. Since it was one of the two of them who pushed him into unconsciousness to get him out of the way. He paused to look down at the lightsaber in his hand, pushing away the vision it tried to show him before walking slowly towards Obi-Wan and out of the door past him.

He didn’t know what part of the ship he was in, it was unfamiliar. Obi-Wan gently pushed past and took lead, leaving Kylo to follow behind. Soon enough they were back in the cockpit.

Anakin was at the controls, communing with an astromech at his side as they were adjusting the hyperspace calculations. A cursory glance around the room revealed the rest of his belongings laying by the gunner seat. 

Kylo glanced over at Obi-Wan before heading over and pulling them back on. Leaving the cowl and helmet as they were for now. He so desperately wanted to hide his face from the two Jedi but it would be cowardice to do it right in front of them.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Miracle Boy.” Anakin turned his seat until it faced them, shooing away the astromech when it beeped at him in askance. 

_[Further instructions, Master Jedi?]_

“None, take care of the ship while I’m gone, okay?”

_[Yes, Master Jedi.]_

“So, I managed to get us through the hyperlanes without running into any seppies, good for us because you chose to have a nap.” Anakin looked over to him, some form of pity or sympathy on his face, Kylo gritted his teeth. He was about to turn and leave but he felt it again, tendrils of the force reaching out to him to invade his mind.

“I didn’t _choose_ to do anything,” He snarled, advancing on his grandfather with his lightsaber outstretched. But he was stopped by Obi-Wan, who had come between them with his hands up. “Get out of my way.”

“There is no need to fight, Anakin, Kylo.” Obi-Wan glanced over between him and Anakin, manipulating the force to push their lightsabers down. Kylo fought the Jedi’s grip and pulled away, a grimace on his lips as he grabbed the last of his clothes and headed back out of the cockpit.

“Let me know when we land in Coruscant.” He reached out and pulled the door closed with a flex of the Force, snorting when he heard Obi-Wan audibly curse at the broken mechanism. Served them right.

...

Kylo shuddered as the ship landed, the sickness he felt in the Force far more prevalent here than it had been last time he was planetside. Obi-Wan and Anakin seemed to have no reaction to it, more concerned running through system checks and shutting down the ship. 

He remained seated, turning his helmet around in his hands. He had kept his thoughts from straying into this territory throughout the flight, but now that they had finally touched down on Coruscant he doubted his choice to follow the Jedi into their territory, their fortress in the sky.

The little boy in him, the part that never grew up past Skywalker’s stories of the ancient Jedi and their customs before the purge was excited, a chance to see all this history in real-time before it was… bettered wouldn’t be an accurate descriptor, but he couldn’t say ruined. While the Empire was great, they still did things that Kylo resented them for. The loss of so much knowledge being one of them.

Palpatine… Darth Sidious was on this planet. Possibly in the Jedi temple itself communing with the Jedi in his role as Supreme Chancellor. A full-fledged Sith Lord. Kylo wrapped himself in the force and pushed his life essence down and down until it was barely alive. This, the Jedi noticed. Both turned around to face him in confusion.

“Did something happen?” Obi-Wan murmured to Anakin, quiet enough that they thought the sound wouldn’t carry but unfortunately for the Jedi, loud enough for him to pick up. Anakin frowned and stopped his perusal of the navigation hub to reach out to the force around them. Kylo pulled back again as Anakin brushed past him, those kriffing tendrils crawling up his neck to press against his mind.

He let out a sigh of relief when it passed, his limited senses not picking up anything beyond the boundaries of the ship. It was dangerous but the upside would be that nothing could sense _him_ unless they got close enough to be right on top of him.

“Nothing that I can sense, Master, might just be City Shock though,” Anakin turned to Kylo, hitting a few buttons on the interface behind him, “First time to Coruscant?”

Kylo nodded, technically it was his first time on Coruscant since appearing in this kriffed up situation. It was all just too _noisy_. He had no time to prepare for the battering ram that was thousands of force users all on one planet. It was both awe-inspiring and terrifying at the same time.

He was truly at a massive disadvantage here. Nothing would, _could_ , stop them from striking Kylo down where he stood. He wouldn’t put it against the treacherous Jedi, they were inclined to betrayal and lies. He couldn’t think of a scenario in which he would survive… unless…

Obi-Wan had left for the exit, leaving Kylo and Anakin in the cockpit together. The Jedi was preoccupied with system checks, ignoring Kylo as best as he could. It stung slightly but he knew that outing himself as the man’s time-travelling grandson would either be unbelievable or have him locked up in a medical facility for the insane.

It was odd, he could see himself in Anakin, but not like looking in the mirror. It was a vague similarity, a feeling of familiarity in the way the face was shaped. The shape of Anakin’s eyes, his chin and maybe the cheekbones. Kylo couldn’t pinpoint exactly how he took after him.

She _takes after him._ _Skywalker only has some of his features. He must have gotten more from Senator Amidala._

His grandmother… Anakin _had_ mentioned a ‘her’ earlier. Did he resemble Padmé? How hard would it be to sneak into the Senate to look at her?

He had a vague recollection of his studies about this period of time but he did have an impression of something _she_ had said. Stories of Senator Amidala passed down to him from his mother, who grew up hearing of his grandmother’s exploits from Bail Organa. No, it would not be easy at all to catch a glimpse of the Senator, not unless he had full favour with the Order.

With the way that Anakin resented him and Kenobi’s dedication to the eradication of the Sith and Dark Side users, it was unlikely that he would be on amicable terms with them soon or even ever.

He had to get off this planet before he was discovered by Sidious or killed by the Jedi. But _how_?

Kylo doubted he could appeal to Anakin. Despite their somewhat more friendly, if you constituted a slap as friendly, interaction before he left the nameless planet Kylo was sure that Anakin did not hold anything but resentment towards him. He could feel it, faintly, through the force.

Exiting his partial meditation, careful to not loosen his grip of the force around him, Kylo was startled by Anakin, who was standing directly in front of him. They stared at each other for a long moment, Kylo’s gaze skittish and too nervous to land anywhere permanent. Anakin frowned briefly, a hand twitching at his side drawing Kylo’s attention but it didn’t seem to go anywhere.

“Rations will last two weeks, maybe longer if you push it.” and then, with that cryptic statement, he was gone. 

Anakin was gone, Obi-Wan was gone. The ship was empty, _empty._ His escape had opened in front of him, appearing just as he desperately needed it. How fortuitous that the Force helps him only at this moment and not at any other part of his life where he desperately needed it.

 _The Force works in mysterious ways,_ what a load of bantha fodder. The Force worked in mysterious ways for the Jedi at least, for they went along with its whims letting it influence them and control them their entire lives.

The Dark Side was powerful because they _took_ that power. Making the Force bend to _his_ whims. He was no plaything for the universe to push its will through, he was no weak Jedi. But, maybe just this once. He would only allow the assistance this one time. The Force may be trying to pull him away so that the timeline remained intact, it would be plausible. 

Back to his escape plan, Kylo was nothing if not an opportunist. It was nothing to reach out to close the doors of the ship, the hiss of pressurisation quiet to his ears.

The droid beeped in confusion as he walked over to the pilot seat, its dome spinning around once, twice, three times.

_[Master Jedi?]_

"I'm borrowing this ship, assist me off-planet and I promise not to harm you." He would crush it the moment he had landed on the closest spaceport.

_[Affirmative. Permission to assume Co-pilot position?]_

"Granted, I want to take off as soon as possible." The R2 model spun its dome in acknowledgement before rolling over to the droid port, the interface in front of Kylo himself lighting up as it automated some of the take-off sequences that didn't need his supervision. 

Kylo let go of a small amount of the force concealing him, using it instead to complete the job of a secondary humanoid co-pilot. There was a spike of panic outside of the ship, but it was quickly hidden.

They had caught on.

_[Master Jedi, do you have a destination? I require a destination in order to calculate our Hyperspace jump.]_

He hadn’t thought this through. Most planets he was familiar with were thousands of parsecs and fifty years away. The map on the interface flashed, showing the planets currently closest on the hyperlanes.

One caught his eye, he had never been in person but he knew of it vaguely. 

"Corellia. Coronet City." Han would be alive right now, a child scavenging the streets for Proxima. The thought made his stomach sink and sent his head spinning. Kylo was hit by the desperate need to return to his own time, the thought of being over a decade older than his own father was terrifying. 

Skywalker and his… _mother_ hadn't even been _conceived_ yet _,_ one wrong move and he would cease to exist. It hit him at that moment the seriousness of the situation, the time, he had found himself in.

_[Ready for take-off.]_

The ship was old, but it wasn't too different from what he was used to. As he lifted the ship from the surface and headed to exit the atmosphere, Kylo felt a gentle brush of pressure against his mind's shields. Anakin, again. _Darth Vader_. It faded soon after, not attempting to push any further than it had, a goodbye of sorts.

Force, Kylo hoped that he would be able to see Anakin again before he managed to fix this mess. It was strange seeing the man in Jedi armour, the image he had built up from memories and stories never touched on the years before the birth of Vader. Always afterwards. 

Kylo had felt the vivid emotions swirling inside Anakin with ease. They were tempered down of course but it was strange that he was able to perceive as much as he had. There was a seed of darkness within the Knight, growing and growing ever so slowly.

It would only be a matter of time before Anakin Skywalker died. Kylo felt mournful at the thought, running his hands over the controls of the ship as the droid put them onto the lane leading towards Corellia.

Kylo vowed to himself to try to meet Anakin one more time while he was here. 

_[Estimated time of arrival… Five hours.]_

"Thank you." He murmured, standing up from his seat to wander through the ship again. Last time he was so full of rage that all memories of the exploration had vanished from his head. 

It was a small freighter, tight hallways with a medical facility and a cargo hold in place of a place to rest.

It didn't take long to find the ration packs that Anakin had mentioned to him, two weeks worth. He would find something to carry them with before he left the ship, no doubt that the Jedi would chase after him even if only to wipe the ship's clearance codes so that it couldn't be used against them.

It was these very same codes that allowed him to take off from Coruscant so quickly. The Jedi had most available to any organisation out there. Meaning that he could make an unannounced departure and not be hailed or stopped until they noticed that the ship was stolen. 

Fools, all of them.

A quick look into the medbay revealed some medical supplies he could take with him; stim packs, bacta, bandages. He gathered what would be of most use to him and carried it through to the cargo hold to place upon the ration crate. 

He dug around a little more, unearthing a dated backpack, it was in no danger of falling apart soon but it was well on its way. With some careful placement, he was able to fit both the ration packets and the medical supplies into the bag, zipping it up with little difficulty.

There was little else to do on the ship, too small and confined to wander within much unlike the _Resurgent-class_ Star Destroyer that had become his base of operations not too long ago, so he headed back to the cockpit where the R2 droid was handling the ship as it traversed through hyperspace. 

"Status."

_[Estimated time of arrival at 'Corellia, Coronet City'... Four hours, thirty minutes Core Time.]_

Sighing, Kylo placed the bag of supplies down by the base of the pilot seat before sitting down, slumping until he was almost falling off. There was no one here other than the droid to witness his lack of tact and soon after he disembarked it would be destroyed, he allowed himself to be uncouth.

Just this once… Just _once_.

_Sit up straight, Ben._

_Shut up_. But, almost as if there was a beam of durasteel implanted in his spine, he straightened up his posture until he was seated properly. Even now, decades away in the future, the woman still held dominion over his thoughts and actions. 

The droid trilled in fear as the floor of the cockpit screeched in protest, as if many sets of claws were scraping across the metal, holding on for dear life. Kylo closed his eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling sharply from his nose, a lock of hair shifting from its lank place over his nose to fluttering across his cheek.

_Control yourself and your emotions, else they will control you._

He sat there in a meditative state for a while, clearing his mind of all intrusive thoughts and allowing the ambience of the ship fill the void left behind. Although, that didn't work either, as it just brought back memories of warmth and laughs and learning to pilot ships by Han's hand-

The droid beeped again, it's dome spinning. 

Right, calming his thoughts. He hadn’t done anything like this since-

Kylo slammed his head against the thin headrest on the seat, grunting as the dull ache spread from the back of his skull. He used the pain to focus, to push away the memories of a dead boy that refused to fade.

_[Master Jedi?]_

He gritted his teeth, pushing hard on his jaw until that hurt too. "I'm _fine_ , droid. Continue your task."

_[As you wish, Master Jedi.]_

He had to find something to do before he tore the ship apart around him. Force willing the rest of the journey wouldn't take too long.

"Status."

_[Estimated time of arrival at 'Corellia, Coronet City'… Four hours Eleven minutes Core Time.]_

This time there were sparks by the gunner seat as one of the interface boards exploded.

...

"Excuse me, Sir… Sir! This is an unauthorised parking. You'll have to pay a fine of 2000 credits-" Kylo had to stop himself from spearing the humanoid on his lightsaber. It was an inhuman level of restraint that allowed him to merely turn to eye the man through the visor of his helmet.

"Jedi will land soon to pick up the ship. They can deal with it." The customs officer spluttered, fingers clenching around his datapad. Kylo flexed the Force around him to grasp at his puny measure of will and crushed it.

"Jedi will pick up the ship and deal with the fees." The man's eyes had become glassy and absent, fingers that had been white with tension slackened as Kylo exerted control over the force-null.

"Protect it until they come, there is valuable cargo aboard."

"I will protect the valuable cargo."

Kylo swept away, drawing his hood over his head until it cast his helmet into deep shadow. He slid into a crowd of xeno who had just disembarked a shuttle, bending the Force once more to conceal his presence. 

Coronet City was still a shithole, even now. Kylo didn’t take the time to look around as he wandered aimlessly through the Spaceport and into the streets. He hadn't thought much about what he would do after getting here, his mind drawing a blank on any further plans.

He had no credits, no identification, nothing that would be legally able to help him get off world again. He _could_ steal a ship but brute force would only leave a trail for the Jedi to follow behind. He needed to have a solid plan, consider his options and scout out trace free transport off planet before the Jedi decided to take their ship back.

Soon, after an hour or so of wandering, Kylo found himself in a dank cantina. He hovered for a brief moment by the entrance before spying a seat in the shadows. The air was laden with smoke and a dull blue coloured mist. The seat he had spied from the door was sticky with Force knows what substances, but it was one of the only ones that would be suitable for purpose.

Gingerly he seated himself in the booth, tugging at his sleeves until they overlapped with his gloves. It would be best that his skin didn't come into contact with anything here.

A Twi'lek server drifted past, platters of alcohol balanced delicately on her arms. A table of patrons cheered as she stopped by them and dropped off her load before leaving, but not without being subject to groping of her legs and behind.

Kylo sneered behind his mask, disgusted. He reached up to adjust the hood of his cowl, making sure that his helmet was hidden as much as it could be. Although it appeared that masks were not too uncommon, the design of his would raise questions that were too inconvenient to deal with.

He was left alone for a long while, allowing him to get a feel for the room in the Force and keep a watch for any Jedi that may have managed to track him down already. Though he knew that it would take at least a day or two for them to arrive, the Jedi Council were notorious even long after their demise for the slowness of its decision making. Even the Republic, with thousands of senators, managed to get more done than the Jedi Council.

Someone slid into the booth opposite him, a bright green drink in hand. They too were concealed with a basic hood and shadows. But when feeling in the Force, Kylo gleaned some of their surface thoughts.

A Corellian native. Looking to drown out their problems with drink and drugs.

"Not drinking?" The Corellian tilted their drink towards Kylo, an offering. He shook his head minutely and flicked his fingers to push the drink back into the humanoid's hand. "Suit yourself." Kylo watched, indifferent, as the Corellian downed the entire drink in one deep swallow.

"It was nice… to meet you." They stood up, staggering slightly on his feet before lumbering away to the bar. The crowd concealed them from view after a moment. It was this moment of distraction that led him to be startled when he looked back to where the Corellian had sat, instead of an empty seat there was another shadowed figure, this time far more concealed than the previous occupant. 

Kylo twitched, moving his hand slowly to reach behind him but the figure just sighed and shifted in it's seat.

"Now, now, there's no need for weapons. I just want a civil conversation." A human of indeterminate origin, they hid their accent well.

Kylo didn't dignify the stranger with a response, only resting his hand on the sticky bench on which he sat, ready to withdraw his saber in a moments notice. It would be troublesome to slaughter the entire cantina, but not impossible. 

"Remarkable bloodlust... I can almost smell it." The figure shifted one arm, then another, onto the table, opening a hand to reveal a credit chip. Kylo shifted unwillingly at the sight of it, it seemed that the Force continued to drop opportunity into his lap. "Ah… that got your attention, didn't it?"

Kylo restrained his first impulse to gut the figure and instead glared at them through his mask. His anger radiating in the Force.

"A force user as well." They murmured, startling him enough to snap out of the rage that was slowly building. Had the Jedi found him out so quickly? It was impossible. 

"What do you want?" Under the table, his hand clenched and relaxed repetitively, torn between fleeing or grabbing his saber and pulling the building down around them.

"They speak." The breathy way the person spoke was getting on Kylo’s nerves. "I'll get right to the point, before you kill me and everyone here."

"I'm listening." The figure tried to hide his shudder but was unsuccessful. Even less so when Kylo flexed his will and filled the Force around them with his presence. Everyone around them shivered at the action, their brains reacting instinctively to the feel of a predator amongst them. 

"I want to hire you to do something for me, no ties at the end. Complete the task and you get credits in hand. What do you say?"

Kylo shifted and leaned his torso over the table, his cowl shifting so that his helmet could be seen underneath.

"I refuse." He would not be a plaything of the Force. Kylo would make his own way off Corellia, these handouts were insulting. He swept up to his feet, looking down on the scum that had been the unwitting pawn of the force. 

"Wait! Please reconsider-"

Kylo left without hearing another word, the sea of patrons parting to let him pass. They were all crammed together in their haste to get away from him.

Pulling his hood back up to cover him completely, Kylo allowed himself to be sucked into the crowd once more. Distantly he heard shouts of anger, it seemed that they were persistent.

It was back to the aimless wandering, soon enough he was deep within the city, far from the spaceport and the cantina where he had had the unfortunate encounter with an opportunist. 

"I'm afraid I must insist." Kylo struggled against the iron hard grip on his shoulders. Grunting with exertion, but no luck. He was dragged off the main street, his head shoved down until all that he could see was the ground below him and his stumbling feet.

Kylo was about to gather the Force to shove the restraints off but he was let go before he was able to. Whirling around, Kylo spotted the very same figure who had accosted him in the cantina, but now he was accompanied by hulking bodyguards of unknown origin. 

This time Kylo did take out his lightsaber, pointing its unlit hilt at the shitface bastard who seemed to be the leader of this operation. The guards took a step back, but the figure was unmoved.

"Would you be enticed with a guaranteed way off planet?" Kylo narrowed his eyes and shifted his grip on the saber, his thumb hovering over the ignition. "Credits, a ship, connections with powerful individuals. What more could you ask for?"

"The price." He growled, the Force simmering with his emotions. After all, Kylo knew lots about the price of such things. The Dark Side was powerful, but required great will and sacrifice to slow its consumption of one's identity.

"A few favours for me and my superiors. Of course it will be all contracted so that neither of us can take advantage of the other. Isn't that a great deal?" The figure stepped forward but stopped bare inches away from Kylo's blade. 

Lit up by the red light, the figure's face finally came into view. Pale, with lines of undeterminable colour running upwards from beneath their neckline to cover their entire face.

"Dryden Vos, at your service." Vos tilted his head to the side, avoiding Kylo's blade again but still giving a somewhat polite bow. Kylo remained silent, keeping his saber outstretched with a steady grip. "It would be polite to give your name in return, would it not, Sith?"

"I am no Sith."

"...Quite." Vos glanced down at the lightsaber between them before glancing up at Kylo’s face again, eyes searching across the surface of his helmet for any sign of weakness.

"Ren."

Vos gave a small smile and stepped back, his arms raised and palms open. "Ren, I can work with that." The man looked back at the lightsaber again, this time his gaze stuck for a lot longer. "Can I ask…"

Kylo kept it up for a bit longer, relishing in the slowly rising fear from Vos and his comrades, but sure enough disengaged his lightsaber before clipping it to his belt.

"We have a deal then?" Vos looked almost excited, but Kylo knew of the fear hidden deep within the surface. 

"Credits and a ship, untraceable." It seemed the Force wasn't done with him yet. Kylo wondered how far it was willing to cast him in order to keep him out of the way of its machinations. 

Vos reached out with a hand, waiting patiently as Kylo had a brief moment of doubt, as it seemed was becoming a habit in this new fucked up reality.

Casting off his lingering doubt, Kylo stepped forward and took Vos' hand, shaking it firmly while squeezing with ever so increasing force. 

"I'm looking forward to working with you, Ren. I'm sure this will be a profitable relationship between the both of us."

Kylo couldn't shake the feeling his resistance against the Force was useless and wasteful, no matter what he did it seemed everything just played right into it's hands. Fuck the Force and it's interference. 


End file.
